


Angelophobia

by charcolor



Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Bittersweet, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-22 10:38:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17058236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charcolor/pseuds/charcolor
Summary: Gumi is afraid of angels.





	Angelophobia

I'm afraid of angels.

I'm not the only one. I've seen plenty of people talk about it. Some people are put off by the halo of light. Some people fear being picked up and taken into the sky. Some people just can't explain their dread in words.

I'm not any of those people. I have a very good reason to be afraid of angels. It's simple. If angels begin to trust demons, they'll be dragged down to Hell where they'll be trapped in draining agony. The thought of causing such a catastrophe is terrifying, so I try to stay away from angels.

* * *

"I love you."

We say it to each other every day. She smiles as she leans in to gently close her smooth, soft lips over my cracked, dry ones. She doesn't acknowledge the difference. She just wraps her slender arms around me and sighs sweetly.

"I love you, too." But who doesn't? She's cute, she's beautiful, she's kind, she's talented, she's popular. Everyone knows her, everyone loves her. Even online, she has a massive following. If I asked you, I'm sure you'd recognize the name Hatsune Miku.

They say Miku is the sound of the future. Her songs are built from the remains of a dystopian future where all music is lost. Because of her, the music industry is thriving, breathing with eternal life and energy. And yet, despite being so admirable and accomplished, she looks at me and tells me she loves me.

I have my fans, too. But it's only for music. Not for kindness or beauty or bravery or perfection. I have no reason to be admired.

Miku gives the audience hopes and dreams and love and joy, she gives them healing and inspiration and motivation and magic, she gives, she gives, she gives. She gives it to me the most, in mint-scented whispers, in neatly inked notes, in the very music she was created to sing. And I take it all, with no way of rejecting it, I take, I take, I take, and in return, I give her nothing but my smile, and the broken record, "I love you."

I do love Miku. I love her more than anything else. But in my endlessly deep love for her, I grow to despise myself more and more for my sin, scolding myself for daring to even be close to an angel, let alone holding her hand and touching lips.

A faint shadow of worry passes over her face as she looks back into my eyes, then is abruptly broken by her glittering smile. "Thank you."

"Why?" I don't say the truth that flickers in my mind. There's nothing to thank me for. I take, take, take what she gives, gives, gives, I'm the leech, a demonic leech, draining her joy, her love, her life. 

The angel smiles and slowly grasps my filthy hands with a cleansing chill. "If it weren't for you, love...I wouldn't be who I am. You shape me and inspire me. You make me grateful for my life, for a brighter world and a brighter future."

Heat rises to my face, which Miku promptly plants a kiss on. I can't be honest with her.  _You're just pitying me. I'm nothing. I'm a disgusting waste of life._ That would force Miku to pity me even more. I hate that. I hate this. I hate myself.

But I don't hate angels.

"I'm scared," I confess. I'm not a liar. I can't force a smile and accept it. "I'm scared of hurting you and using you."

Miku sits up straighter, and reaches a delicate hand to trace the frame of my face. "I don't think that's possible. You can't accidentally use someone."

I shake my head, and the fragile hand is drawn away. "I think I'm dragging you down. I don't think I could ever be an angel like you. But I'm scared I'll kill you or corrupt you and drag you down to Hell."

She touches me again and leans in until our breath is blending together. Her breath forms a voice of compassion, spilling like a crystal waterfall through her lips.

"We've lived with this love for this long already. If you were evil, I would know. Everyone would know. But you're an angel too."

"A _fallen_ angel. A demon."

She kisses my lips again, her moist tongue slipping through for a fraction of a second before retreating with my saliva. She pulls away and whispers, with wide eyes full of green genuinity, "If we were ever chained down to Hell together like fallen angels, it would be nothing. All that matters is that we're beside each other in the end."

**Author's Note:**

> me experiencing bad emotions: this would make an excellent fanfic


End file.
